Some MORE Questions That I Have…
After having almost (make that, absolutely) none of my last set of questions answered, I have decided to ask some more questions. I guess I never learn…
Why do ONLY peanut butter cookies get that neat little criss-cross pattern put on the top of them? (see image). No other cookie gets to have such a simple, yet mesmerizing decoration atop their golden, crispy crown. I’m hungry…- Where have all the cowboys gone?
- What is the proper etiquette for dealing with people who hate traffic? For instance, traffic comes to a stand-still, and they pull off the road (not on an exit ramp), drive across the grass to the service road, and try to get ahead of the line of cars on the highway. Then, when traffic on the service road comes to a stop, they come back across to the highway (again, not on an entrance ramp, but across the grassy side-bar). Then they try to get in front of you…what do you do? Let them in? Isn’t that the same thing as saying “You think you’re more important than the rest of us! I agree! Come on in! I saved a spot for you!”?? I just can’t seem to do that. Are you allowed to ram them?
- In a movie theater, where the arm rests have cup holders, which one are you supposed to use? Is it like driving, where you always stay to the right? And if so, what do I do if I’m at a theater in England? And if I’m at a movie with another dude, am I supposed to keep a one-chair buffer between me and him, to let everyone know that our relationship is platonic?
And now, it’s time for answers! Ready, set, go!
Great Ad Campaigns #5
Okay, so all week I’ve been sharing some great advertising campaigns, and by great, of course I mean funny. And by funny, of course I mean hilarious. Usually.
Today I’m going to share some of the best commercials I have seen on the Web from random companies, some of which I’ve never heard of. But these seriously made me laugh…hopefully, they’ll make you laugh too.
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Braids (This one requires reading subtitles, but when the dad’s question is answered, I still laughed and Pepsi went up my nose…)
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Drama Queen (Forgive the language…):
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Fight for Kisses (one of my favs):
Great Ad Campaigns #4
So I’ve only been in one or two casinos my entire life. One was when I was too young to gamble, and the other time, I totally rocked a nickel slot machine’s world. I spent like $2, and won like $15. It was a magical time… Of course, I spent my $15 on a cool bobble-head of the casino mascot (a little man with tears rolling down his cheeks and his pockets pulled out…). But I still like to think I got the best of that casino in the end…
In my research of awesome commercials, I came across a series of commercials from a casino called Fallsview Casino. If my research doesn’t fail me, I think the casino is in Niagra Falls, which may be in New York state, or it may be in Canada. I don’t really know. What I do know is, these commercials are awesome:
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Great Ad Campaigns #3
I don’t drink beer, or alcohol of any kind, for that matter, so beer commercials don’t usually draw me in. But a couple of companies have developed what I suggest is perhaps some of the most ingenious ads campaigns ever. One of those companies is Dos Equis. Perhaps it’s because “Equis” is the coolest of all letters in the Spanish alphabet. No…that’s not it. Perhaps it’s the soothing green color of the bottle. Nope, that’s not it either. Then it has to be the most interesting man in the world.
I don’t always watch beer commercials. But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis beer commercials. Stay thirsty, my friends. (For funny commercials, that is…)
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The Most Interesting Man in the World…On Gyms:
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Great Ad Campaigns #2
I used to work in a small grocery store. Not like a supermarket, but truly a mom-and-pop-type grocery store. Except it was owned by a single man, so it was just a pop-type grocery store, I guess. Except that he didn’t have children, so he wasn’t really anyone’s “pop.” And that name doesn’t really make sense – “pop”-type grocery store? It sounds like it’s going to jump out and scare the pee-wocky out of you if you shop there. But I digress…
The thing I remember the most about working at the store is the smell of the men that would come in there in the evenings to buy their beer and other non-essentials. After working all day out in the sun, many of them smelled absolutely terrible. And I happened to know that many of them were married, and had a wife to go home to. And sadly, there was nothing these men could do to solve their problem (beside shower and/or bathe in tomato sauce).
Since that time, Old Spice has come out with a series of commercials about a man who your man could smell like. I can only assume that these men I mentioned above have seen these commercials, and have much better home lives as a result. Enjoy:
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like:
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Boat:
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Fiji:
Great Ad Campaigns #1
Since the invention of the DVR, Netflix, Roku players, and massage therapy, there has been a sharp decline in the number of commercials I get to watch. And this saddens me. Except for the massage therapy part – that I enjoy.
The reason I’m sad is because I love commercials! I don’t love all commercials – just funny ones. And these days, commercial makers are getting better (i.e., funnier), yet because I don’t watch commercials any more, I am missing out on some of the best stuff that has come out since the invention of slap bracelets. And I figure that it is very possible that you, my faithful readers, also suffer from this same problem. So, I have decided to take some time to research the very best advertisements on the market today, and to bring them back here, where we can feast on them with our eyes. And our ears.
The first in this series is Dairy Queen. I don’t know if you have Dairy Queens where you are (maybe they’re everywhere…I don’t really know), but I grew up on Dairy Queen ice cream and burgers, and it’s still a tradition in my household to eat at Dairy Queen at least once a month. In the past, their commercials have been mediocre at best, but lately they’ve employed a guy with an awesome mustache, and some pretty funny commercial writers, as well. The result is some pretty ree-DQ-lously funny commercials (click the title to be transferred to the YouTube site, in case the videos below don’t work for whatever reason):
Guitar That Sounds Like Dolphins:
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I can’t believe I just did that…
I was sitting in my office just now, when I felt the need to stretch. So I reached up as high as I could, stretched, and…passed gas. Farted. Broke wind. Loudly.
Where did it come from?
Did anyone hear?
Does this mean I’m gross?
Why does it smell like coconut?
My life will never be the same…
Some Questions I Have…
I have some questions today, and I expect some answers. That’s right, mister…no beating around the bush. We’re on an quest for truth here… A truth-quest…
- Why could rock starts in the 80′s always grow long hair? What are the chances that, if you were going to be a rock star in the 80′s, you would be able to pull that off? I’ve tried growing long hair, and it’s not something everyone can do. Some people’s hair never actually grows down…it just grows out, further and further, until you have what is commonly known as a “fro.” Not too many rock stars with fro’s in the 80′s…
- What is the best name to call a grandparent? Is it just me, or are there now 368 different ways to refer to your grandmother or grandfather? Used to, it was simple – Grandma and Grandpa. Nobody tried bucking the system. But now we’ve got grandma, granny, nana, mee-maw, and grammy. We’ve got grandpa, papa, poppy, peepaw, and pops. I heard someone the other day call their grandmother “big mama.” I can only hope I never do this, because I value my life. I’ve also heard someone call their grandmother “gram.” That just sounds too much like a measurement of dope that they’re selling on the street corner. I’m just old fashioned, I guess…
- Why are squirrels so stupid? I’m riding my bike to work this morning, and a squirrel runs out in front of me. Then, he decides “No…I’m going to back. No wait…I was right the first time. No wait…” By this point, I almost hit him. I could have sworn he shrieked a little when I rode by. I just know one of these days, one of the squirrels is going to jump on me, cause me to fall off my bike, and injure myself terribly. I hope that squirrel has insurance…
Crazy Things – 4/5/2011
It seems that nowadays, people are taking up all kinds of weird activities in the name of exercising. Some of the more strange I’ve seen lately are belly dancing and pole dancing. Yep – you can take fitness classes for pole dancing! What used to be something only found in establishments of ill repute are now found at the local recreation center, with everyone from teenagers to grandmothers participating. I’m a little weirded out by that, but today I was shown a good reason why perhaps I should look into doing a little pole dancing exercise. It’s called Mallakhamb, and it is an Indian sport where gymnasts use a pole (or rope) in a vertical position to perform some pretty crazy poses. Take a look:
Click here to see the video on YouTube, if you can’t see it here.
I guess I probably won’t be doing any of these moves any time soon. Plus, I wouldn’t know where to go to get a pair of those awesome orange underwear-looking things…
Question…if more Indian men took up this sport, is there a chance the population of India might start decreasing? (If you don’t understand why I ask…think groin injury…)
Crazy Things – 4/1/11
Crazy Things posts may soon be getting a new title – TIFOOPBUTSATUIMOCTP, pronounced tee-foop-butt-suh-too-em-mock-tuh-puh. This isn’t a word I made up – it’s an acronym for “Things I Find On Other People’s Blogs, Usually Tyler Stanton’s, And Then Use In My Own Crazy Things Posts.” On second thought, I think I’ll stick with Crazy Things. I like the sound it makes when I say it. With my mouth.
Today’s crazy thing (“borrowed” from T-Stant’s blog) is from a new series of YouTube videos called Bad Lip Reading. What they do is take real music videos and sing over them, inserting what it looks like the singers are saying. With their mouths. Check out their version of the Black Eyed Peas Boom Boom Pow (you may have to click on the link to watch it on YouTube…sorry about that. And I apologize from the beginning for the bad word.):
So as you can see, everybody poops. And if they don’t they’re an android, and should be destroyed. And who said we couldn’t get true wisdom from Black Eyed Peas music?
